Follow the leader.

It’s a concept most of us learned early in life. I was taught to “follow the leader” from the very beginning, during my introduction to institutional learning (pre-k). My first recollection is of us kids getting in a line going to the bathroom or being in the lunch line. There was no rhyme or reason to how the line was formed or who should be the “leader” back then, or maybe there was. I guess it was probably alphabetical, maybe from short to tall or perhaps whoever’s birthday it was. Who knows.

Though I seemed to always be near the end of the line in most instances, early in my life, I always knew I was born to be a leader. It wasn’t so much that I just wanted to be in charge or be seen, but I guess in truth, there was an element of that working through my thought processes.

Not that “follow the leader” in school was a true mark of leadership, I never sought to be the leader and it serves as an example of what it looks like to know who I was while often purposely limiting myself to be only a follower. That is discouraging now as I see missed opportunities in my life and the lives of others.

To lead with passion or follow in frustration were the choices I felt I was presented with very early on in life. Frustrated follower seems to have been the course I chose most often. I didn’t realize the hurt I’d caused myself by denying my true path. Some people are naturally born to lead, and when they continue to not do so, there’s a level of defeat hovering just outside their thoughts. “What am I doing wrong?” “Why is it all so complicated?” “How did I get here?” and a thousand other questions just begging to be answered. I know because I am that person.

So, does that mean that I’ve failed up until this point in life? Absolutely not. It means today I had an opportunity to reflect on where I thought I had failed. In doing so, I realized people were following me, and I did not know why when I was a follower. Apparently, I had often been leading without realizing it. I led very slowly and in disguise with advice or, I hate to admit, sometimes criticism. Often, I found I was leading from the rear with encouragement and guidance. Whatever I was doing, though, people were still trying to follow me.

My perception of leadership has been that I had to be loud and out in front to set the course others could follow. I had to be driving the vehicle. Looking back, I realized I tended to be the rudder steering the boat, underwater and out of sight. Sure, a captain gets all the credit, but without the rudder doing its job, the boat goes directionless. Trust me I was on just such a boat when the steering cable (not a boat person so I’m not sure of the terminology) broke and we ended up turning off the now useless engine and paddling our way back to the shore. That day, the rudder showed us who was really in charge.

All in all, the point is three-fold. First, leadership comes in many different forms. Find a style that works for you and then lead. Second, don’t hide from who you truly are because it only leads to disappointment and disillusionment while robbing yourself and others of the best you. Third, not everyone is a leader, and that is ok too. Following is not inherently frustrating, and honestly, when it’s what you are supposed to be doing, it is quite freeing.

Lead, follow, whichever, just don’t deny yourself.

Published by Jeff

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