I struggle some days with crippling fear and anxiety. It’s hard to admit that and post it for anyone to see. My days are filled with exercises to help me refocus my eyes and mind in the right direction. I’ve gathered a mental toolbox over the years — filled with lessons from ministers, coaches, therapists, doctors, friends, and family, as well as medications, books, blogs, and podcasts. Each tool has helped me navigate the difficult moments.

Some days, I win big. Other days, I wonder if it’s my last. Most of my struggle, as the title suggests, is over “Missed Tomorrows.” I worry about things that may never happen or that I’ll never see. My mind often creates scenarios that have no grounding in reality. I know I should live in the moment, aware that tomorrow is never promised. It sounds like a freeing way to live. I just wish it were that easy. And I’m sure my family and friends would love for me to find that place, too.

But even when I try to stay in the present, I find myself afraid of what I’ll miss if I’m not here. The moments that shape us. The memories we create not only for ourselves but for those around us. I sometimes drift backward, finding comfort in the memories that formed my life. They make me smile because I was part of them. And I have had a good life — a really good life. So I wonder how I got here. Have I always been this way, and the worst of it is only now revealing itself?

I want to love life and the people in it — those I see often and those I only hear from a few times a year. But the noise in my head makes it difficult. I miss things before they’re even gone. And when they are gone, I regret the time I wasted fearing their absence. My fear robbed me of their presence.

Most of my anxiety is over a tomorrow that may never come. I dread outcomes that never happen or are so far away that they aren’t even marked on the calendar.

I long for a way to escape. I could quote plenty of Bible verses that tell me not to fear. I could ask someone to pray for me. That’s the world I grew up in — a world of truth, but also a world of pressure. And while I know all the right words, living them out is another story.

But I know this much: If I can learn to live today, I’ll never miss another tomorrow. If I can embrace the present moment and live it fully, regret will have no hold on me. I’ll see every tomorrow I’m meant to, and one day, I’ll step into a day that never ends.

I hope I can break this cycle — not just for myself, but so I can be a voice for others who are fighting the same battle. I want to be someone who beat the odds and can help others find freedom too. I hope I can be better. I hope I can be free. —

Published by Jeff

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