The Hiding Place. That’s what I used to call my time alone with my thoughts, the place where I’d go and talk with God. It was a place I’d go to find the answers when life got too hard.  It was the place I’d go when I just wanted to be thankful. But it also was a place I felt I had to abandon, much, like leaving a familiar place where you feel too comfortable and safe in order to grow and change.

Out of that hiding place birthed the opportunity to be a worship leader for many years in several different churches. Those were probably some of the best years of my life. At some point, something changed. There was a shift away from the way I led worship, or at least that was my perception. Instead of leaning in and maybe shifting a bit myself, I just slowly stopped leading worship. After a while, it almost became foreign to me. There were so many factors that led to something I loved so passionately being so easy to let go of. I’d say I have regret for walking away, but I really don’t. It was a season that had to come to an end. I had to take a path that was different from the path that led to my hiding place, a new path filled with bumps and holes, a rugged path.

Recently, I have found myself wandering near the old paths. Searching. The ones that were smooth. Yearning. The ones that were filled with joy and fulfillment. Needing. The ones that filled me with hope. I find myself visiting my hiding place again. I remember how I felt when I was there. It still feels the same. I feel alive there. The cares and struggles of life have no entry. Just a peace that I don’t even understand. I’ve been taking short trips in, thinking that would be enough to sustain me. But it’s becoming increasingly more obvious that it’s time to go in and stay a while. Maybe it looks different this time, but I can’t ignore the drawing any longer. The things I’m trying to do aren’t working. I believe it’s because I’m not balanced. I’m leaving out important parts. It feels like the puzzle of my life is laid out in front of me, waiting for me to put all the pieces together. Life is about to change. My heart is finding its wholeness in my hiding place, and I will see the fulfillment of that which was started in me.

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