Sitting on a park bench 
Listening to the leaves rustling in the fall breeze 
Alone with a thousand thoughts and memories 
Not a place I haven't been to before 
But for once  
Possibly for the very first time 
They aren’t scattered thoughts of days gone by 
They are the volumes of the moments of my life 
The reflections on filled pages of who I am 
The empty pages of what I still could be 
Each has a place on a shelf neatly arranged 
A library of stories 
Stories of my life 
Both the finished 
And the ones yet to be.

What was once a scattered landscape 
Of debris and chaos 
Is now a neatly manicured field 
That could only be described as 
Peacefully organized beauty 
The good and the bad 
It’s all part of my story 
For better or worse. 

Looking through the good times
The memories that brought us joy
The ones we all recall 
The ones repeated with vigor 
Those are the stories 
Of which we are reminded 
When among our family and friends 
Making new memories. 
We share those with people 
Who have heard those stories
If once, a hundred times 
But, of course, we still share 
For those who may not have heard before
The tales of which bring peace
Comfort to our souls. 
Reliving the past
Passing those memories forward 
Bringing a sense of the happiness 
The former good times 
Of which we were privileged to be a part. 

Yet the other side
The place no one sees
The part often kept hidden
Where those dark volumes of the past reside
A mine field of hurt, pain, and disappointment 
A storm ravaged landscape 
Ripped bare of any remaining beauty.
Life is nowhere to be seen 
The hallows of time 
Where innocence is lost 
In my case, stolen 
Regret and guilt for things
long out of one’s control.
Hopelessness is a recurring theme here
Thoughts of being free 
Just fleeting dreams. 
It feels like a nightmare that wasn't real 
But sadly, is reality 
No matter how far down it was buried.

Now looking fully at that dark side 
Unashamed
Unafraid
Slowly sharing the pages
In hopes of healing
In hopes of restoring the landscape completely
Stopping the holding of my breath
With a deep exhale
Finally beginning to breathe.

Published by Jeff

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