I was reading a post from a minister I follow on social media, and what I read hit closer to home than I expected. The post was all about his personal journey of the deconstruction and rebuilding of his faith and belief system. He grew up very similar to the way I did and followed a similar path in life and ministry. Much like me, somewhere along the way, some things just didn’t make sense anymore. Many things he thought he believed and had been taught about his faith and his life, just didn’t hold true anymore. Mysteries, that were once hidden, were suddenly becoming visible. Now he’s more of a researcher than I am and not afraid to ask tough questions, so his journey has been somewhat different in that aspect. I’m not the best at digging to find answers, and I’m definitely not keen on asking questions. I can do it, but I’m more of a listener and an observational learner. I usually have to experience something to understand it. So I’ve been trying my best to get a better understanding of what I truly believe, as well as having some things deconstructed, but the process has been slow and painful. As a result, everything I dreamed of for myself has changed, because of it’s root in an old belief system, at least to a certain degree.

Fortunately, the changes I’ve encountered were less complicated than the things I’ve always been told, but the deconstruction process can be long and arduous. I like to watch a show called Barnwood Builders. They take down and restore old barns. It’s a slow and tedious process that takes time and patience. Like taking down an old barn that you want to save, the tearing down of who you thought you were is much the same. Board by board and piece by piece, you slowly remove all the good parts and lay them aside for safekeeping, being careful not to cause damage, while the parts that remain are examined for possible removal. I’ve spent a lot of time breaking things down in my life, putting the pieces worth saving to the side, and removing parts that were no longer right or useful. Only recently have I begun to be able to reassemble the parts that make me who I want to be, who I am supposed to be.

I’m learning to dream new dreams for me. It’s not that the dreams I dreamt were wrong. Maybe those dreams were true for a season, but now I have to dream again. I have to have a fresh vision for my future. You’re never too old to learn new things, try new methods or experience new people.  So don’t be afraid to dream again, and don’t be afraid to dream big. I’ve got new blueprints for my life, and I’m already building.

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