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Broken in Waiting

I’ll be honest, I was disconnected from the reality of Coronavirus/Covid-19 because it had not touched me or my family. Late in July, I did not have a choice but to pay attention. Since then my family has battled through a mine field of sickness and emotions. Four members of our family have battled with the world’s newest enemy: Covid-19. First my Dad, then my brother, next my Mom, and lastly me. My Dad had the hardest time and spent the longest time in the hospital, but after 10 days, he came home. They thought he would die but he had beaten it; he was a Covid survivor. He had some difficulties when he came home and needed help with some of the most basic things, but he was home. For that, we were grateful. Therapists and nurses came out a few times a week, and he was starting to see glimpses of his old self. He was getting around by himself better, and even his sense of humor would make an appearance from time to time. Then he started having pain in his upper stomach. This went on for a couple days. He would have relief with antacids, so we didn’t give it much thought. Then one night the pain wouldn’t leave, and we ended up at the hospital (six weeks after his Covid-19 stay). They decided his Gallbladder was the culprit, and because he was on a blood thinner he needed a few days without it in the hospital to make the surgery safe.

On the morning of day two he tested positive for Covid-19… Again. (We realized he had never actually had a test come back negative since his first hospital stay where he tested positive multiple times, so he was probably a long hauler)

In the afternoon of day two he went into cardiac arrest and coded. Everything changed. He was revived and intubated and subsequently put on a ventilator in ICU. My mom was able to visit him that night for a little while (because of the code), but for the next couple of weeks after that we only spoke to nurses and doctors on the phone. The waiting and sorting through information was hard and left us feeling broken but hopeful. The not being able to see him was even harder. “Why couldn’t you see him?” you might ask. Well other than the fact that most hospitals are on lockdown because of coronavirus, my dad tested positive, which made protocols even more strict. At the time we weren’t sure if it came back or never left. There’s so much confusion around this disease. Coronavirus has stolen from so many this year. I know a few people personally that weren’t allowed to see their loved ones at all, and then they were gone.

I don’t know what to believe about it anymore. Opinions and facts are all jumbled up together, and I’m not sure if anyone knows the real truth. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. My heart hurts. I held onto hope. I had to hope for a good outcome. They would say Covid-19 wasn’t specifically what was wrong with my dad. He’d already fought through that. He did have other issues and that’s what he was fighting. But if it weren’t for coronavirus, he wouldn’t have been in a weaken condition. His lungs would have been stronger. But if it weren’t for coronavirus, we could have at least seen him. Maybe a touch or a familiar voice would have helped him. I don’t know. I do know many others have had to walk this path, and I’m sorry. My heart hurts for you and I also understand. I wish I didn’t.

We waited for an outcome that never came. My Dad never came back home. My dad was a victim of this damn disease and so is my family. We did get to see him to say goodbye, but he was not conscience. My mom sat with him as he passed, but we weren’t all allowed. We have suffered one of the greatest losses possible from a disease people are using as a political, economic, and media volleying ploy, a fact that is simply deplorable. Regardless, we still look for him and see him in everything, but he is no longer here in body. For that, we are deeply saddened and forever grieved.

End of part 2

Read part 1 here

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